fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
