My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
