from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
