fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
