i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
