His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
