I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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