Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
