you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
