Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
