My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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