i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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