You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
