You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
