their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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