I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
