Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
