Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
