so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
