and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
