For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will pee on everything he values.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
