ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
