Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
