It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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