I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
