We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
