someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
