I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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