hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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