you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
