Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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