I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
