so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
