Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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