I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
