Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
