i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And then my night got REAL pukey
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
