I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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