I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The feeling are messing with the penis
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
