All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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