I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
