watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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