At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
