There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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