My sheets look like a crime scene.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
