The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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