I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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