So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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