They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
