I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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