the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
