Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
