in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
