Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
