On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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