he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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