I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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