is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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