Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
