Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
