it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
