Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
