We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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