Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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