I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
