I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
