You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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